So, if you follow me on social media you know I’m not dead. I did get really close, though. I’ll get to that in a minute. First, I’m sooooo sorry for ghosting you guys for over a year. I never meant to give up on chronicling all the celeb goodness that was shown. But, depression has a way of snuffing out any amount of light you find.
For two years I was in a dark depression. (whew!) That’s the first time I admitted it openly. Anything that brought joy (jobs, family) and comfort (friends, books) became collateral damage to my lingering dark cloud, including this space.
It started when I almost died. Literally. I stepped off a curb and was hit by a car. Thankfully, I only had a broken leg and a lifelong reminder— a quarter inch surgical scar on my leg–NEVER to walk anywhere in Charlotte again. My 2018 Christmas miracle was surviving. Barely.
I won’t bore you with details about my three month physical therapy stint, relying on my husband and bonus mom to eat, bathe and walk. I already feel like this is a pity party post, please bear with ya girl. Suffice to say, physically I was healing, mentally I was broken. And broke, as I was now responsible for nearly $10K in hospital bills.
Here’s the biggest blow: The woman that hit me didn’t pay a dime. Because I moved to a dumb ass state that adopts a contributory negligence law. In sum, it blames victims for abusers carelessness if there is even a teensy, weensy chance the victim caused the accident. Insurers were off the hook and a handful of lawyers were fleeing from me like I was Agent Orange yelling election fraud.
So, yeah my mood teetered from indifference to covers-over-my head and ‘Back to Black’ playing on consistent loop emotional breakdowns, depending on the day. I existed in a fog for a year in a half. It wasn’t until I was forced to face reality by going back to work that some sense of normalcy came back.
My real defibrillator came in the form of prayer journaling and meditation. Being grateful to still be alive gave me the strength to stand on my feet again without the help of aluminum sidekicks (crutches).
I remembered my purpose and didn’t want to take it for granted. Started taking more risks–like going back to school and learning to write screenplays–and appreciating not one thing, but many things this life has to offer, But this right here is what I love to do best.
I’m here to stay ❤